It started back in my childhood when I was 5 or 6 years old. My parents left me with a nanny, and went to visit their friends; they planned the overnight stay. However, when they came back home the next morning, they did not recognize me, because I looked like a plump ball with tiny cutouts for the eyes and indistinct facial features.
At first, my parents suspected the nanny of mistreating me. But I stood up for her and said that I adored her because she had always been very kind to me. My words were confirmed by the security tapes, and therefore my parents decided to consult the doctor to look for the reason for such changes in my appearance.
However, the doctors have never seen anything like this before and couldn’t say anything for certain without doing tests. I was taken to the clinic for 5 months. But it didn’t help, because since that day my whole life has turned into weight jumps. I started to wake up every morning looking like a bun and by the evening I turned into a thin string.
As a result, the doctors sorted out my case and explained that I had problems with metabolism at the genetic level. It was not possible to cure the disease, but I could learn to live with it.
Generally, childhood is a great time when everything around the child seems beautiful, colorful, and kind, no matter what. And that was why I didn’t worry about my disease at all. I couldn’t understand why I had to worry about it because my life was nice and exciting. On weekends, I used to eat lavender ice cream with my parents and then go cart racing with my dad. My life was full of emotions and I didn’t understand the doctor’s warnings at all.
So I got used to the situation and took it calmly. But when the school started it seemed as if dark gray colors were added to my world. In the mornings, people around me were no longer touched by the pretty and plump girl; they looked at me with distaste; as for my classmates, they called me a pig. I was unhappy and offended so much that my parents sent me to another school. There the lessons started in the evening, that is, the time when I used to become a pretty slender girl.
In my slender form, my classmates treated me affably, no one teased me for my appearance, and even the adults looked at me kindly, without any hostility. Then I realized that the appearance is extremely important in society and that overweight people have better chances to face various problems.
But despite this, I had to attend the clinic every day for physiotherapy to reduce the negative impact of weight surges on the body. Therefore, I could not just stay at home all day.
And it was very uncomfortable for me because every morning I kept getting up as an ugly-looking plump and people avoided me like the plague. The morning became my most hated time of day, and I started each day in a bad mood.
After waking up I often sobbed and kept on saying to my reflection in the mirror that I just hated it. While in the evenings, I was complimenting the same reflection and could not stop looking at myself. And this contrast pissed me off because I realized that it was only my form that changed all the time. While I remained the same Nicole who was neither good nor bad, just a simple girl, like anyone else. But the standards of society kept insisting that in the morning I was much worse than in the evenings. It was kind of nonsense…
Another issue was the clothes. In the morning I had to leave the house being pudgy, but by lunchtime realized that my pants were too big for me and I was about to lose them. And the T-shirt hung out as if I was a hanger.
For this reason, all my life I had to follow the same important ritual, namely preparing a spare set of clothes in a bag. I carried this bad with me and usually changed my clothes after lunch.
Once I forgot to take a change of clothes with me and that caused great trouble. I had to go back home in huge clothes that strived to fall off me. So I had to support the pants with my hands to keep from falling. Passers-by laughed at me and filmed me on their phones, and I just cried and was mad at myself for this situation.
It was one of the most horrible days of my life. I shudder to think about it. I can’t even imagine what those people thought of me that day.
But there were also comical situations in my life. They made me feel better and helped to keep my sanity. Those situations brightened up my miserable life and even made me laugh…